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|Monday, July 19th, 2004|
|at the library
just a heads-up.
I miss this site a lot.
At my local library today-- took day off work for my sprained knee.
Miss this site so much.
computer at home is broken, and work has banned live journal.
sucks, don't it?
|Wednesday, June 16th, 2004|
|I'm going to start a consumer movement
Okay, think about this one for a second:
So you know I have a fear of airplanes, right?
So here's my deal: I'm starting a "back to the rails and roads" movement.
This shall not only be better for every factor involved-- giving power to consumers everywhere and assuading my unfounded fears-- but it's an ingenius plan.
Think about it.
I was just reading on MSN about the "Top 5" worst airlines to fly.
And truly, the entire flight industry is really in a state of shambles.
And the reason for that???-- DUH! -- there's more people than ever flying and the costs outweigh the profits-- Also, "more people than ever"-period, 'cuz people just can't seem to stop having children for some strange reason (sorry parent Super Agents Pattie and Beth), but never do I treasure birth control and all of its benefits than when I'm standing in a 500-person line to go through a booth the size of my thumb to X-Ray my insides to check if I'm carrying a knife or plastic explosives up my hooch.
Anyway, so what I'm saying is simple-- Stop flying.
Seriously. Just stop flying.
Start using Amtrak and Greyhound instead.
So you have to take an extra vacation day, but think of the repercussions this would cause.
Airlines across America would be in a state of shock-- mass hysteris would occur from the top level-down.
Suddenly, they have no customers.
Those desperately needed changes at airports and within the airlines themselves to upgrade technology and customer service would then HAVE TO BE IMPLEMENTED.
As long as we keep using them, they ain't gonna fix the problem.
Protest their inefficiency by not supporting them.
Okay, benefit #2
Yes, your chance of dying in a plane crash is less than getting struck by lightning--or so the industry likes to tell people like me who are desperately afraid of flying-- but think about this one for a second.
How many of us have been in a car crash?
Raise your hands.
Okay, that's about every single one of us. (Ranging from moderate to severe, of course).
You get in a vehicular accident, most likely you're going to survive.
Has your subway train ever broken down?
Raise your hands.
You survived. You got out at the stop, or walked, and waited for the next train to come along.
Okay, now think of this for a second: Your plane crashes.
You think you're gonna survive?
HAHAHAHAA..... YOU DUMB FUCK!
Your chances of actually surviving falling out of the sky from 30,000+ feet up in the air in a tin can lacking air pressure, an engine, or catastrophic failure are about as good as my grandmother holding in her farts after an all-you-can eat corned beef and cabbage extravaganza.
Simply put-- sure, flying's safer... IF YOU DON'T CRASH.
Hence, why people who fear flying have a good point, and-- (of course I'm stroking my self-important perceived intelligence here)-- are twice as smart as people who listen to their iPods the entire flight, not even considering death is a HUGE possibility if just the tiniest thing goes wrong.
Man was not created to be up above the mountains, to touch clouds, and sit in a tin can with 200 other people crammed into seats as small as a kindergarten classroom.
We were made to put the pedal to the metal-- use that lead foot and use up less gasoline per person than you do in a jet plane.
The amount of jet fuel used to fly one single flight still equals more than if every person on that plane was driving a car solo.
Think about that for a second.
So again, you're saving the environment by not flying.
Trains are even more of an environmental benefit
And here's one more reason to take a train.
This country of ours ranges from the most beautiful rolling hillsides, to swampy bogs, to soaring mountains and crystalline beaches.
Amtrak follows along some of the most beautiful land and civilization that you would never get the chance of seeing from up in that airplane.
So from here on out, I vow to never fly again, unless I'm suddenly wealthy and need to venture overseas for the first time ever-- In which case someone better give me the biggest Valium they manufacture, shoot me up with some smack, and then, the sky's the limit!
|Why I'll never fly from.....
....the ghetto slum, butthole rim, rotting carcass known as "La Guardia" airport again.
Also, I'm not sure I will ever FLY again, period.
I'm sooooo scared shitless on airplanes.
Normally the seatbelt sign goes off during your flight, and yes, you can move around the cabin, etc..
In your dreams, Lambert.
On both flights to Chicago and back, seatbelt signs were left on on THE ENTIRE FLIGHTS because of THE WORST TURBULENCE EVER.
The guys next to me on the return flight must have looked over and wondered, "Why is that woman completely ashen white, hands folded, popping 20+ Rolaids in 5 minutes, lips mouthing the 'Hail Mary,' etc.."
Again, I'm an atheist/agnostic normally-- yet when I fly, I believe in God.
I'm the worst atheist ever.
But back to La Guardia, so ghetto fab-- NOT.
I think that we should cluster bomb it, sending it to oblivion, or at least as far as Flushing Queens.
Shuttle bus, public bus, bastards in security making me miss my flight, telling some 5 passengers wrong info, fucking up the entire process, then proceeding to argue amongst themselves while there are six lines NOT MOVING AN INCH filled with-- NO LIE, I AM NOT EXAGGERATING-- 500+ people yelling and screaming because the GODDAMN AMERICAN AIRLINES monitors go down.
I hate them all!
But seriously, the trip was fantastic.
The weather was warm, sunny, beautiful.
SO much fun with friends, great times.
I also loved the Art Institute, which was like a "Greatest Hits" album featuring Seurat, Picasso, Van Gogh, O'Keefe, Chagall, Monet, etc..
But I seriously almost cried and broke down to finally see my favorite Rothkos at the end of the hall.
Malin was fantastic on Friday. A true bat-out-of-hell energy to him.
Nice seeing a familiar face. The new album is truly 5-stars.
On Saturday, Juliana Hatfield was back to her great indie self, my old friend Ed from QDivision is on current bass duties, and she's still dealing with drunk bastards shouting, "You're hot, chick; show us yer tits."
Worst moment of night-- Damnwells were a HUGE disappointment.
How could they do this to me? My favorite band in all of New York, and they blew! Stank up the joint, in my opinion.
Like, "Let's change the tempo on all of our peppy songs and make them slow, and then if that's not enough for Oly to take, let's drop the key, too."
Really bad move.
Add that it was 101+ degrees at the Double-Door, and I almost passed out from sheer heat, exhaustion and sheer boredom.
Hopefully when they're back on hometurf, sans Juliana's modern day sappy adult contemporary fans (including the frat boy contingent), it will be better.
|Thursday, June 10th, 2004|
|Wednesday, June 9th, 2004|
|One day countdown
Finally, seeing it for the first time since I was eight years old.
So excited to see Renee and Julie, and just have fun.
That's what I need right now-- a quick getaway, some nice friends and new scenery.
The sun is just glowing right now, bouncing off the side of the MOMA-- pure golden light.
No matter what Chicago holds in store, New York City is my home.
Its beauty, its harsh tough love, is in my heart and very being.
I can't wait for Chicago, but I can't wait to get back!
|The death of Reagan
I'm currently watching the live feed of his body being brought into the Rotunda. Watching Nancy is just breaking my heart, reminding me of my own grandfather's funeral when I was just 7.
The words I'm typing aren't expressing my feelings in any possible good way.
I just see my whole childhood flashing before my eyes.
The grandfather figure who I'd see each and every evening when I came home from school, telling me how America was great, that things were going to be okay.
No matter what you think of Reagan's policies-- and I disagree with about 90% of them-- he was truly a good man, who loved his family, who loved the American people, and came from humble beginnings to the head of the richest nation on earth.
I also am thinking at how difficult it is to lose a loved one, when you're the one left behind.
The heartbreak that that must entail is excruciating.
To love someone, to share your entire life with them, and then, suddenly one day, you're all alone.
And I believe true love does last a lifetime, and even beyond.
Because you have to believe that love will carry you through.
I hope one day I will find that, but in the meantime, I can only observe from afar.
I miss Ronnie.
And my own grandmother will be facing the same exact suffering soon enough, and it's just tearing me up inside.
Truly no disease can be as cruel and heartless as Alzheimer's.
I wish I was there with her to hold her hand, to tell her how much I still love her, even if she doesn't remember me, but I'm stuck where I'm at because I put myself here.
I chose to make my own path, to find my own story that still has yet to enter its prime chapters.
If it has half the love of my grandparents, I will be a very lucky woman.
|Friday, June 4th, 2004|
|Actually discovered this tonight......
Tropical fish emit tiny to large bubbles through their asses.
Hope the fish feels relieved.
It was at an Indian restaurant, after all-- hence, the extra gas.
|Free dinner, sure.....
So the past two days I've been entertaining my friend Debbie's husband from Boston-- showing him around-- yet usurping him by getting free dinners, etc., 'cuz he can afford it.
Really not much to say, except it's interesting how little I have in common with them.
Them, Married -- me, beyond single.
Them, condo homeowners - me, pay the same amount to live in 8/9 foot room in house with 4 other people who shake the floor each night when they get busy.
Them, two good incomes -- me, poverty-stricken.
Them, 2 cars -- me, subway/bus shackled w/bicycle seat stolen.
Them, student loans paid off -- me, in default.
Them, observant Jews -- me, atheist.
Them, soon-to-be parents in 2 months -- me, vow to never be pregnant or have children.
Them, clueless to good music (think Dave Matthews is cutting-edge)-- me, slave to concerts and bands everywhere.
I wonder, though, sometimes.... Would I change anything in my life if I could go back into the past to see where I would end up, as opposed to now?
Not in the least.
I relish my heartbreak, my beautiful clueless musician boys, my idealism, my artistic nature, my strong will, my confidence in relying on myself before pie in the sky belief systems from the ancient world.
I just wish I could have lobster more often.
|Tuesday, June 1st, 2004|
|I needs me....
....a get rich quick scheme.
One that is flawless.
I just realized I'm going to Chicago in one week with NO MONEY.
Really brilliant, huh?
The other day I actually seriously considered going up to one of the strip clubs around here and asking if they'd take women like me (i.e., flat-chested).
Hmm... ponders selling soul....
...with no computer to come home to.
No loving little grey box to look at me and say, "Oooh, baby, turn me on.
Please, oooh, just like that."
I miss my love.
It's so sad by itself, with no one to look back and gaze into its loving eyes... uh...
I need to get out more.
|More fun with Alzheimer's!!!!
The best thing I've heard in a while, and it always goes back to my grandmother and the crazy things she does/says/thinks now that her brain is a pile of wet oatmeal.....
This past weekend, my mother visited her at the home.
She says, "I asked the management here what they're going to pay me to be a nurse here. They said just my room and board."
She honestly thinks she's a nurse employed by the home to help the patients.
It gets better.
All the old Alzheimer's patients who are in their wheelchairs secured in (i.e., strapped in), my grandmother is going around and unhooking them, then helping them into the bathrooms to do their business.
She says, "I'm a nurse. Let me help you."
Mind you, I think this is hilarious, sweet, cute, sentimental and dangerous all at once-- i.e., not many 86-year-old walker-bound women should be helping people out of wheelchairs supporting their weight, but goddang it's a funny skit in the makings.
BTW-- She WAS a nurse in her good days, so it's not like she's suddenly taken on a new career choice.
Just one she hasn't done in over 50 years.
Not only did I accomplish something that I heretofore have NEVER accomplished (i.e., a CLEAN ROOM), I got to see my favorite standup comedian, Demetri Martin, do his new one-man show at UCB.
I mean, he was just freakin' ON.
Love him so.
I still want to have lunch with him and do naughty things to him as well.
And even better, had a really nice time with a very nice person, who just makes me smile whenever I'm around him.
Of course I always know how to end a night on a great note-- i.e., I get my head completely stuck in his car's mechanical seatbelt thing.
Yes, I certainly am just FILLED with poise, grace, and whatnot.
|Friday, May 28th, 2004|
|Who do buses and trucks think they are?
They think they're soooooo much better than the little guys.
In fact, they think they're so cool, they even refuse regular gas, 'cuz it's beneath them.
|Thursday, May 27th, 2004|
|trying to up....
....my daily grease intake.
Since I became a pseudo-vegan (i.e., person who is vegan when she wants to be, and primarily vegetarian most of the other time when not eating seafood), my grease intake has plumetted.
Today, I did my best to stay the course.
I had the greasiest onion rings of my life.
I'm now wondering if onion ring batter has eggs in it.
I doubt it.
But damn it's good to kill my heart again.
|Wednesday, May 26th, 2004|
|30 years old in 2 months.
So in January I said, "If I have not become famous by the time August 1st rolls around, I will take the easy way out."
I.E., I will kill someone.
Because everyone knows that murder/i.e. crime/misdeeds are the true way to your 15 minutes.
I'm wondering, though-- in terms of possible victims-- who should be the easiest to off, and why.
Here are my choices so far:
1. Mayor Bloomberg-- I would become a cult hero, with all smokers on my side. I could even see Phillip Morris paying for my defense. But Mayor Bloomberg is short and kind of cute for an old graying rich man, and I think his smiley eyes staring back at me would be reason for recoil.
2. Tommy Mottolla-- Not sure which building he works in anymore, but think of how happy Mariah Carey and Michael Jackson would be. Thalia would probably send Fat Joe to kick my ass, but hey, this one is probably my best choice so far. Not many negatives-- except I'm sure he has mafia ties.
3. Anna Wintour-- again, close proximity. She's on 42nd Street in the Vogue Building. I can think of no negatives to her being offed, except she has a child somewhere, and that's always sad to lose a parent.
So in summation, I probably will not kill anyone-- given the fact I have no upper body strength and also, I still have far too much Catholic guilt.
But hmm.... fame beckons....
|So this morning....
The comedian Demetri Martin in his MSN Slate journal mentioned how he had a character all made up of "One Man Band" on the toilet.
I do not think I will EVER be able to look at Zack when he performs the same way again.
I think I want to invite him to lunch today, (Demetri Martin, that is), because, of course, this is a very realistic goal.
But to be honest, it actually isn't THAT far-fetched.
I'm a single girl in the city, I'm thinking he's a single guy.
We work 2 blocks from each other.
He has a large nose, brown eyes and long hair-- SOLD.
Oh, wait... that's reality-- also known as the boss is walking down the hall towards my cubicle.
|Tuesday, May 25th, 2004|
|I think I just ate a human being
So for lunch I ordered from this Veggie Asian place on 49th Street.
I got the veggie burger-- fully expecting the usual soy/lentil kind of dusty/chalky, but still proteinlicious thing I usually eat.
Instead, what I got was a nice oily slab of pink (and I mean pink) circular pattie looking like a page from Grey's Anatomy.
I mean, seriously-- it looked like human being, or at least very undercooked meat-meat.
It still tasted very good-- in fact, excellent seasoning.
I'm a little disturbed by fake meats now.
I'm wondering if they're really fake, if ya know what I mean.....
|The evil that is H&M
So yesterday, on a whim of suddenly wanting to dress like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, I decided to walk into H&M at 7:00 pm.
Now this is also like walking into a kindergarten classroom after a Halloween candy marathon, but I decided to take my chances.
So after waiting 15 minutes in LINE to get into the dressing room with 10 items of fairly bad fad-crazed clothing-- (think yellow hotpants with neon pink; giving me flashbacks to bad Pasco Comprehensive High School tennis team)-- I'm in the dressing room.
All I can think of are how many cameras the security has focused in on my breasts, but alas, I have fun with it anyway.
So strangely enough, I am not a Size 8 (way too small), nor a Size 12 (too big)-- and get this... Size 10 is too big in waist and too small in hips.
What type of bodies do these girls have who wear these clothes, and how do I get one?
Mind you, I walked out happy I didn't spend the money I didn't need to, but for some reason the baby doll pink lace dress getup that barely covered my ass cheeks was deliciously spicy and made me feel like a naughty Girls Gone Wild episode.
Back to conservative 2001 Banana Republic and leftover Ann Taylor duds.
10 more pounds is all I need to go and I'm about there for slutville.
....when it has just rained, and lightning has passed overhead, I walk away from metal objects.
I think it's a good idea.